jUz

ohh gosh! y does everything hav to go && b this way..

juz as u thought everything in ur lyf wus gunna b ok, there it goes..blowing away..

like sumthing u’v written in the sand..then a wave suddenly washes it away..

lyf suckz!mayb not for all pipol..but for me..YES!it really does..

if u thought i wus gunna finally gunna b okiE hir..u thought wrong!?

i think i wuld’v been better off suffering negativety && rejection like before, than to be here and realize all the crap && everything sUckiE[i just cant cuSs!]im not saying i want to..]coz u wont have to hear everything or anything bad..

for a second there i actually thought everything wus gunna b perfect..that i wont be hEaring stupid crap about others around mE..but here i am agAin,still hEaring the same things…OVER and OVER agen..

now i realize, it isnt so bad being deaf..even for jUst a minute or tOo..[

i just hope that in twO yEars..wEn im finally off tO collEge, i'd live by myself [but wit financial support of course!?]..away from problems that i know of ryt now..

by then, i wanna b the pride of my family && friends and my mutal’s "gurL"..

by then,i wanna b the top of my class [if possible??;D]

by then,i wanna make all them haterzZz more enviOus && jEaLous of me..

by then,i wanna show everybody my skills,talent && strength..[mayb evEn my pretty-ness..:p]

so all yall pipol out there..

believers && non-believers..

imma show u wut iv got..

imma show u im better or even greater than wut uv thought of me..

though im weak now from all the crap && problems im havin..imma get stronger coz of theE support i hav from the ones who truly love me..

i know one day, i wont have to go thru all this all over agen..

imma change the way i live..

thats a promise!

• List 20 things u want to say to 20 different people but u know u never will
• Dont say who they are
• Feel free to comment, but dont confirm or answer anything
• Never discuss it again

1. we’r "partners" in crime and i love u ohh so much!ur the closest to being my bestfwEn and ur a sister to me now..dont worry,ako taya paguwi ko..PROMiSE!!hehehe..

2. we’r bestfwEnz..ooppz!nOt anymore pala!im sorry if my decision then was seLfish and i know i hurt u..bxta,we’r d bestest fwEnz 4 eber..sisters..the 3 of us:

>Sexy–Maganda–Matalino<

3. ur the funniest person i came to know in my whole entire life..game to anything..or i mean,everything na trip kong gawin..ur there when i need some1 to listen to me and make jokez out of my problems to make me laf..tnxiE vEry much!!

4. the fLip in my life..d bEshpwen i came to love..imishu soo much!!fav ntin–me and u..setting in a honeymoon,if i woke up nxt to u,f i woke up nxt to u–iLOVEit!!

5. d guy i never expected to fall inlove wit..d guy hu broke my heart and eventually made it whole again..iL never forget juLy02,2007..araw ntin yan..remember?!iLOVEu soo vEry much!!and i hOpe ganun dn ikAw skEn..

6. wOw..i never tot the last time i wuld ever talk to was my last day there..we suddenly drifted apart and kinda didnt b fwEnz like we sed we were supposed to wen we broke up..im sowiE!i always bLamed u for everything and i know i did some wrong things toO..maybE itsh just that i really lUved u and that i wanted our relationship to last and b perfect..oh well,i hope we’d still b fwEnz wen we meet agen?.?

7. sumtyms i wish i fell inlove wit u..ur d guy hu i became d closest wit & im really proud of that..i culd tell u things i dont tell to anybody else and i’d lyk to keep it that way..ur even my first and only guy fwEn to ever sweep me off my feet to carry me in ur arms and on ur back..hehee..kOrnEy,i know but its d truth..hmm..iLOVEu soo vERy mUch!!ur lyk my kUya..i mish u!!

8. ur my safe..i hope u always will b, evEn tho we dont taLk anymore..u made me beliEve that MY lOoks culd b deciEving..

>after all..i was d MAARTE 1 bEfore<

9. my hanky provider..hehee..im soo hapii to hav u as my fwEn..ur chiLdish at tymes but thats thE rEal u..i lOve u fOr being likE thAt..pLz stay that way..oh yEa,and by the way,being all sad and serious..its jUst nOt likE u!!xD

10. my personal advisor..hehee..we got to know each othEr and became cLose in just 11 months..wOw! i guess we were destined to become fwEnz huh!?im nEver gOnna fOrgEt  d exchanging of advises..datz our trademark!

11. 1st cOuz..ever sincE we were LiL kidz,i wantEd us tO bEcOme d cLosEst cOuzns..but in truths,dat didnt exactLy happen..hehee..bUtz thats okk..at least we understand  and can realte to each othEr..wish i culd’ve spent more time wit u guyz..i love u!!

12. 2nd cOuz..i considEr us really cLose..lagi xE tau magkadikit!!i didnt expect na ikaw magiging cLose qUh..hehee..bUt,oh wells..hOpe wE’d oLways b that way..iLOveu!!

13.F-E-N-K..hahahaa..3rd cOuz..aLa2 mu phO sana yAn??i lOok up tO u atEe..and im so prOud tO b ur cOuzn,dEstpitE sUm mistAkEs u madE in ur lifE..sUmtimEs i wish naging sistErs tau..im nEver gOnna fOrgEt all d momEnts wE had..iLoveu lOtsa atEe!!

14. 4th cOuz..kahit lagi mu aqUh niLo2kO..okk lang..pAra kang big brOthEr qUh ehh!i’L nEver fOrgEt thAt tym wEn wE pLayed sipA..wOw..thAt wAs the fUnniEst mOmEnt i evEr hAd wit u..iLove u!!

15. 5th cOuz..i hOpe u erasEd thAt 1 pictUre u gUyz tOok of my "bUtt" wE i wAs sLeeping!?hahaa..kainis bUt at thE sAme tym fUnny..khit lOko2 ka at tyms,im hapii dat wE’r cOuzns..mabaet ka nman ehh!>pag tULog<hahahaa!iLove u!!

16. 6th cOuz..aUsiE girL..iLovErs u mUchOs tOo!masaya aqUh at nun nsa mothEr haws tau,lgE taung mag kadikit..prA taung "pEanUt bUttEr & jElly" nUn..hehee..yEaz!i really dO hOpe thAt wE sEe eAch othEr sOon..nga paLa,imma takE u shOpping wEn i gEt a jOb..lOl..

17. jOkE nating tawagAn.."MAHAL"..aww..i wishEd it was trUe!i likEd u sOo mUch bEfOrE..i guess wE wEren’t dEstinEd for each othEr as gf/bf..wE wEre dEstinEd tO bEcomE cLosE fwEnz!stiL,imma comE bak thEre..imma gEt my "u knOw wAt" frOm u..dapAt may laman n un hUh!?>hOpEs u gEt wAt i min<i stiL lOvE u..>as a fwEn naLang<xD

18. i usEd tO cAll u "fwEnship" as a cOdE namE..hEhehe..nagkacrUsh dn aqUh sAu nUn ehh..pErO nwALa dn un nUng nagUstUhan qUh un fwEn ntin..hahaa..ur really really nicE and sweet..tnxiE fOr evERything!!

19. hmm..d things u sEd tO mE nUng pauwi na kau nung last day qUh sa san feLipE wAs soO tOuching!dUn qUh narEaLizE dat u really did cOnsidEr mE as a closE fwEn..tnxiE fOr dAt!i really criEd wEn wE taLkEd thEn..dOnt wOrry!imma kEep ur favOritE bAdgE sAfE..sign un ng fwEnship ntin..i mish u!!

20. d evEr bEst thing thAt happEned tO mE sOo fAr in my lifE..im soo prOud that wE fOrmEd it..i nEver hAd a fwEnship dAt lAstEd dish lOng..untiL nOw..tnxiE fOr sticking by mE and sUppOrting d fOrmAtiOn and "re"fOrmation of this barkada..ilovE u all and we’ll alwAyz and fOrevEr bE fwEnz ‘tiL d eNd..

>"im NEVER aLone.."<

originally writtEn on sEpt. 25,2007; 10:47 pm

its bEen bOwt 5 mins. sincE d cAll endEd and stiL im fEelin’ so sAd and aLone..i fiL lEft oUt frOm thE grUp sincE im d onLi onE awAy..

nObOdy rELi knOws hOw i fiL and i kindA want it tO b dAt wAy..fOr d first tym n my lyf,im hiding wAt i fiL and wAt i wAnt tO sAy..

its kindA wEird sincE this is d first tym,cOz i usEd tO sAy wAt i fiL bUt,noW is diffeRent..tO d pipoL i wAnt tO tEll dEs fiLings tO,r agEn fOr d first tym nOt hir tO try tO undErstAnd..

fOr d first tym,i aLone mUst sOlvE my prObLems,widOut any hElp,widoUt any advisE, and withOut any "BEARKADA"..which wAs mAde tO heLp a fAmiLy mEmbEr in nEed..

its trU dAt "FWENZ" r lyk ur fAmiLy..bUt in dis fAmiLy,u gEt tO chUs and agrEe upOn hU bEcUms "onE of uS"..a pArt of d "BEARKADA".

oUr mOtTo,"iM NEVER ALONE"..is simpLe yEt mEaningfuL dEfinEs uS..

lyk mE,thOugh im fAr frOm dEm,im nEvEr alOne cOz in my hEart i’L oLwEiz kip and nEvEr fOrgEt dEm..likELy tO dEm tOo,we all r nEvEr aLone cOz wE kip eAch odEr cLosE tO oUr hEarts.

dAtz wAt kips us tOgEthEr..

kEa fwEnz..dOnt evEr fOrgEt mE??okiE!?i lOve yOu all sO vEry mUch..

u all r my big hAppy fAmiLy..wE’rE FRiENDS FOREVER,nEar or apArt!!

wAlang kAlimUtan!!

and dOnt wUriE..

im stiL and OlwEiz will bE ur "bABiE bEar" hu lOveS u oL..

i jUst hOpE u toO wiL stiL oLwEiz b hu and wAt u r…

>> aLso my diAry entRy<<

"i am"

i am frOm orgAnizing & cLeAning,
which tAught mE discipLine..
whEthEr skUL or hOme..

i am frOm citiEs and a prOvincE,
2 cOuntriES difFerEnt in lAnd and pEopLe..
frOm tAn skinNEd pEopLe tO whyT skin,
and lOud cArs tO a qUiEt,frEsh-airEd brEeze..

i am frOm thE oLd histOric bUilding,
my fAvOritE pLace tO b..
wEr oUr pArents stUdiEd hyhskUl,
and wEr my fwEnz & i stUdiEd toO..

im frOm hOmE-cOokEd mEAls
and pLeAsing pErsOnaLitiEs..
frOm sAn fELipE,zaMbAles
thE phiLipPinES..

im frOm thE onLy onE tO
thE oLdER onE..
frOm by-mysElf to
shArE ur stUfF..

im frOm prEtTy fOrmaL drEsSes
and chUrchmAtes with hApPy fAcEs..
and aLL i knEw of vEry weLL..

im frOm ARCE and gOnzalES,
rEuniOns and fAmiLy gAthErings..
frOm my mOm’s gEntLe pAts as i fAll
asLeEp,
to my dAd’s wArm hAnd on my hEad
as hE wAkEs mE in thE mOrning..

at my bEdside,
my diAry’s fillEd with tOtz & mEmOriES,
with pictUres of my friEnds..
i cAn stiL rEmEmbEr tyms nEvER tO fOrgEt..

and i am frOm thE mEmOirs,
thE gUd and bAd..
onEs with my bEst of friEnds,
and,
my fAmiLy…

i gotTA say watz on my mind
sUmthing bOwt us dOesnt sEem ryt,
dEs dAyz..
lyf s gEtTin’ in d way..
wEnevEr we try,sUmhOw d pLan
s oLwEiz rEarRangEd..
itz sO hArd 2 sAy,
bUt ivE gOtTA dO wAtz bEst 4 me..
uL b okiE..

*ivE gOt 2 mUv on & b hU i am..
i jUz dOnt bLong hEre,
i hOPe u undErstand?
wE myt find a pLacE in dis wOrLd
sUmdAy..bUt at lEAst 4 nOw..
i gOtTA gO my own wAy..

dOnt wAnna lEave it all bhind..
bUt i gEt my hOPez up &
wAtch it all sLowLy fAde aWay..
im lEving 2dAy,
cOz ivE gOtTa dO wAtz bEst
4 mE..
uL b okiE..

*ivE gOt 2 mUv on & b hU i am..
i jUz dOnt bLong hEre,
i hOpe u undErstand?
wE myt find a pLacE n dis wOrLd
sUmdAy..bUt at lEast 4 nOw..
i gOtTa go my own wAy..

_wAt bOwt us?
wat bOwt evErything wE’ve bEeb trU?

–wAt bOwt trUst?

_u knOw i nEvER mEant 2 hUrt u..

–& wAt bOwt mE?

_wAt am i sUppOsEd 2 dO?

–im gOnnA lEave..

bUT iL miz u!!

*ivE gOt 2 mUV on & b hU i am..
i jUz dOnt bLOng hEre,
i hOPe u undERstand?
wE myt find a pLAce in dis wOrLd
sUmdAy..bUt at lEAst 4 nOw..
i gOtTa gO my own wAy..

—>hU evEr’z rEAding dis..
i hOpe u undErstand it?
it dOesnt mEAn dAt u dOnt wAnNA b wid
d pErsOn u lUv,
bUT,u dOnt wAnt 2 b wid dAt pErsOn
cOz itz 4 d own gUd of u bOth..

huhuhuhu..

ang lungkOt dito!!
waLa ang mga fwEnz qu d2..

ang mga"pinAkamamAhaL"qUng mga
FWENZ!!

cLa tlgA ang pinAka cLose tO bEing
my fAmiLy..
cOz,dEy lOokEd aftEr me(i mEan,at schooL)
dEy givE me advisEs..
and cOmforted me in timEs i nidEd sumbOdy
2 lEAn on..

kEA,i trEasurE dEm soOo mUch..

diS pOst is fOr u gUyz!!
my FWENZ..

ilOve u soOo mUch!!
u oL sUd knOw dAt..

i miss you…

im nOwEr nEar perfect

  i eAt wen im bOred

  i fall 4 bOys easiLy

      im vULneraBle 2 bELieving liEs

  im hOping 1dAy i wOnt nid a fAke smyL

  i livE by kOwtz dAt xpLain xActLy wAt

                   im gOing thrU

       i maKe uP xcUses 4 evErything

      i hAve bEstfriEnds & enEmiEs

i havE dRama & mEmoRiEs

    >and dAtz MY LYF<

       i liVE it,lOve it & lEarn frOm it..

"i hOpe sUmdAy u’L rEmEmbEr mE as d giRl hU smyLed
evEn wEn hER hArt was brOken,aNd the girl hU wUd
bryTEn up ‘yOur’ dAy evEn if sHe cUdn’t brytEn up hEr
                                      oWn…"

eVErythiNg in my lyF so fAr is pretTy goOd..
lyK..

keA,gUd byE my evErythinG!!